Here are ten stupid statements some religious people came up with that make you want to rip your own face off. These are actual quotes that I’ve heard or read here and there. On some of them I’ve added a comment of my own in parenthesis.
1. “Children die because God needs angels.”
2. “If Jesus was against the death penalty he would’ve said something when he was being crucified.”
3. “There’s no point in recycling or worrying about global warming because Jesus is coming soon.”
(Now I have one more excuse not to mow the lawn.)
4. “When you masturbate, God is watching.”
(That’s just sick…)
5. “The only way we can determine the true age of the Earth is for God to tell us what it is. And since He has told us, very plainly, that it is several thousand years of age and no more, that ought to settle it.”
6. “In my opinion, if an animal in the wild like a swan is caught being gay, it should be shot on sight, disinfected, and used to feed the poor.”
(I suppose gay meat is good enough for poor people.)
7. “If you have sex before marriage, then in God’s eyes you are married to that person. If a man rapes a woman, in God’s eyes they are married.”
(Not the most romantic way to propose.)
8. “They say it took several million years for a monkey to turn into a man. But monkeys don’t live several million years.”
9. “When the temptation to masturbate is strong, yell ‘stop!’ to those thoughts as loudly as you can in your mind, then recite a portion of the Bible or sing a hymn.”
(I actually agree on this one. Reciting the Bible would definitely make a boner go away, at least for me.)
10. “A banana must’ve been created by an intelligent being because it fits perfectly in your hand.”
(Well, it also fits perfectly up the ass. How do we know that that is not what God wants us to do with it?)
