I can’t speak for other countries, but when you have a baby in Italy, friends and relatives keep asking you the same question: "When’s the baptism?" Do they keep asking that because they’re such devout Catholics? I don’t think so.
Given that, usually, after the ceremony there’s a big reception in some fancy restaurant, all people really want is to stuff their faces. (Can’t blame them. Food tastes better when is free and cooked by someone else. Everyone knows that.)
I’m telling you, if you told them that after Church nothing happens and everybody can just go home, they wouldn’t give a monkey’s ass about the baptism itself. In fact, they would probably make up some excuse and not even show up.
Anyway, partly to shut people up, partly because, back then, I hadn’t fully come out of the atheist closet yet, I gave in to family’s and society’s pressure and got my son baptized. Does that mean that my son is a Catholic now?
According to most people, yes. The moment you’re baptized you’re officially a Catholic. I beg to differ. Baptism doesn’t make you a Catholic. All it does is make your forehead wet.
Do people actually believe that by sprinkling some water and by reciting some magic formula, one moment you’re not a Catholic and the next moment, shazam!, you are? Superstitious nonsense.
But baptism apart, I can tell you for a fact that it’s impossible for a child (let alone a baby that is just a few months old) to be a Catholic (or any other religion).
What does it mean to be a Catholic? It means to hold a certain set of beliefs. How can a child possibly have an opinion or even care about that stuff? Not to mention a baby, who can’t even talk and all it does is eat, sleep and poop.
“Yesterday my daughter pooped in the potty for the first time. Also, she recognizes the supremacy of the papacy over Christendom and fully embraces the concept of Immaculate Conception. We’re so proud!”
Talking about a Christian child or a Muslim child is, for some reason, perfectly acceptable for most people. You hear it on the media all the time. To fully understand how ridiculous that is, all you have to do is substitute religion for some political view.
Have you ever heard of a conservative child? A liberal child? A socialist child? “Hi, this is my son. He’s three and he loves Lego. And he doesn’t mind sharing. He’s a Communist.”
