The other day I was sitting on the toilet when I heard a voice in my head. It was either a sign of some kind of mental illness or God talking to me. I’m gonna go with the God thing. It seems more plausible.
The voice asked me to write down what I call The Twelve Commandments. Since I’m not very good at carving stone tablets I put them here:
I. Never kneel. Not for other people, not for God.
II. Men and women are equal. (Arguably women are better. Men can be such dicks.)
III. Don’t follow dogmas and ideologies blindly, without questioning. Think for yourself and keep an open mind.
IV. Treat other people the way you’d want to be treated. (Unless you’re a masochist, in which case it doesn’t count.)
V. Don't spill blood. Donate it.
VI. People only look different from the outside, but they’re just like you.
VII. What two consenting adults, of opposite or same sex, do in the bedroom (or any other room) is nobody’s business.
VIII. Don’t wear socks with sandals. Mullets look stupid too.
IX. Children are innocent and defenceless. Don’t hurt them and don’t poison their mind.
X. Be kind to animals. You’re one yourself. A hairless chimp.
XI. Whenever the occasion arises, try to perform random acts of kindness towards strangers, however small (the acts, not the strangers). They’ll feel good, you’ll feel good, everybody wins.
XII. Read a bloody book once in a while. It won’t hurt.
